fjord – Lesetoilesfous

reidluver:

After watching Talks Machina, I’ve got to say I have some concerns.

Because while Molly is absolutely right about the danger of having a group within a group–I’m worried he’s going to make things worse in his attempt to make them better.

Now, we still don’t have much of an answer for why Nott and Caleb have trust issues, so I can only draw on my own experiences. If I end up being wrong, I apologize, but this is all I have to go on.

Anyway–let me be clear that I believe Molly’s heart to be in the right place. He’s not doing this out of malice, he’s doing this out of concern for them and the group, and he’s drawing on his short two years of experience and concept of who he is. However … he’s not as adept at handling people as he thinks he is.

Slapping someone having some sort of mental/emotional shutdown? Not okay. Socially pinning someone against the wall as a “punishment” to get your point across? Not okay. Look–forget the whole “oh-that’s-hot~!1″ shipping aspect of it. It’s not okay to intentionally make someone uncomfortable just to get your point across, at least when the person is an ally or friend. Would you take a friend who’s terrified of heights to the ledge of a twenty-story building to tell them they did something wrong? No. That does not earn trust or respect. If you want to address an issue with someone who is your equal, you do so in a respectable environment. And before anyone thinks I’m being unfair–it was also wrong of Nott to go through Fjord’s things to steal his letter, even though she was trying to help Caleb. Just like in Molly’s examples, just because the intent was good, it doesn’t excuse the actions taken.

Molly’s approach to dealing with people and making them uncomfortable has its merits and advantages when used appropriately. Leaning in close to Fjord and saying, “The power was in you all along~!” was hilarious and beautiful. He was joking around. That was funny and teasing. It was appropriate. Using a “son-of-Satan”-like glare to the man who was staring at Nott? Appropriate. Molly was protecting his friend and telling the guy to mind his own business.

But trying to get Nott and Caleb to be better at being part of a larger group? I can’t help but think Molly is going to push and poke at it in ways that–while they make sense to him–won’t work with those two. There is no “one-interaction-fits-all” strategy toward social interaction.

Again, just going on my own experience here, but usually when a person has trust issues, it’s because they’ve been betrayed in the past. I’ve had enough people betray me that–in order to survive–I’ve learned to withhold my trust for a time. Handing out my trust indiscriminately is dangerous. It means pain. The concept of having people “earn your trust” is less of “I’m-so-incredible-my-trust-can-only-be-awarded-to-the-chosen-few” and more of “I-don’t-want-to-be-hurt-again-please-let-me-know-this-is-safe.” Obviously friends still have rough patches, but the concept of “earning your trust” will sift out the dangerous people.

Now, I realize Molly hasn’t experienced this sort of thing, The devil toad from the circus did betray him and the rest of the circus family, but Molly didn’t seem terribly torn up about it. That level of betrayal isn’t the kind that pushes a person toward trust issues. Trust issues happens from more personal connections, like close friends and family. If Gustav or Yasha had betrayed Molly? Then yeah, different story. My point is, Molly doesn’t seem to know how that feels. And that’s okay–this isn’t a fault or anything, but it’s an important distinction to make.

With all that being said, at least according to the vibe I’m getting from Caleb and especially Nott—Molly’s typical approach won’t suddenly inspire them to be a more cohesive unit. Molly’s approach will feel like an attack. It will make the group an unsafe place. Fjord’s approach? Very good. He lessened the tension of the moment, addressed Nott as an equal and an adult, and tried to negotiate a way for them both to understand and have a say. It was respectful and non-confrontational. Fjord’s was more “let’s reach a conclusion together” while Molly employs the “I’m right, you’re wrong” approach.

Again–Molly’s approach is very valid under the right circumstances. It isn’t for those with trust issues. I can see this sort of disagreement being a learning moment for Molly though, not because I think he’s cruel and deserves to be taught a lesson, but because it will help him grow. This could work out in the long run, but until then, I’m just worried and will keep my fingers crossed it’ll all work out.